One thought occured to me as I stood there exhaling the notorious air of my own cig.
I never really thought about it for the longest time, it just babbled inside my head as I stood in the corner stealing glances from someone afar.
I’m a fucken masochist. I enjoy the feeling of pain. I’m a fan of serendipity and the likes. I am morbid. At some point, I enjoy playing with unrealistic expectations.
I realized that I always get involve with someone I can never end up with right from the start. I attract ironic endings.
So therefore.. it occured to me this one time, I scored A+ in the hopeless romantic department.
God, that’s just so sad.
This probably happened months ago.
Scenario: I got invited to a friend’s night out party to celebrate his engagement. He will be getting married in Cali months from now. This guy and I had a THING 10 years ago. It didn’t work out because my cousin had a very big crush to this guy. So I ended up going out with the older brother instead. Its just one of those silly girl things when you’re young, I guess. You go out with the brother so the other brother can go out with your cousin. Crazy, I know. But then anyways, it didn’t lead anywhere because secrets can blow up in different proportions and always end up fuck*ing you in different directions, I guess. Also, the brothers migrated in the US… that and I killed my cousin.
Well, after all that’s been said and done, 10 years passed and I found myself sharing a bottle of beer with the same group of friends. I sat there across him, my voice drowning in the noise. The older brother was standing behind me, shouting god-knows-what, congratulations in probably all sorts of dialects.
F1: Finally, ikakasal ka na! Ang saya-saya!
Me: Yeah, congratulations, E!
F2: Yiheeeeeeeee…. can you guys still remember this thing between E and Kellie? It’s fucken wild maaaaaaaaan! (sound of big laughters in the air)
E: Man, that was like 10 years ago. Puberty at its finest! (throws a smile at me)
K: (gulps her beer) Man, I didn’t even realize we had that. It was fucken ancient I guess…
F3: Here’s one thing I remember… THE INFAMOUS KELLIE RAP!!!! (crowd went wild and I prayed with all my heart… please don’t fucken’ dare…)
E: Oh common! Walang ganyanan.. tama na yan! (he was supposed to get up from his chair but a drunk friend pushed him down his seat)
And then in chorus.. they started rapping that cheesy piece E created for me once upon a time… GOD THAT FELT REALLY AWKWARD.
“She said she’s taking Foreign Service, damn, how can I be of service? I drool around her in circles, god, she’s playing me in her fingers, you look so good baby girl, you set my heart on fire, I want to spend forever with you and when I say forever, please say I DO. She is such a mystery of only eighteen, black long hair that shines in my pitch black of emptiness, how can I forget her name?, she stands alone around chaotic mess, Kellie.. I want to be hers…”
And for a quick second, we exchanged awkward glances. It felt as if time stood still with pictures of yesterday. I saw it in his eyes for a brief moment. When they stopped rapping, no one moved. Then, awkwardness finally enveloped each and everyone, he sat there across me with a shy smile on his face. I probably sat there looking weird….
Older brother: Yan na ang pinaka corny at baduy na rap na narinig ko. Kahit Salbakuta masusuka sa piece na yan, for sure. Kellie here is probably thanking God you guys didn’t end up together! Man,you’re such a lousy poet. (and then he runs his hand in my hair and gave me a quick kiss on my forehead.) Now, baby brother and friends, this is my moment! (everyone laughed out loud and peace was restored back.. and all the drunkeness again)
K: Thanks, V. ( I whispered)
V: Want to go out and smoke outside?
And that’s how a story can end up being so romantic…. because at some point, things just don’t happen.
EVEN IF YOU WANT TO.