I could have picked a new face for my blog to mark the passing of the previous year.
For a change, I should have done that.
But instead, I’m writing a new entry thinking it’s better this way than wait for something that’s never going to happen.
I hate waiting for things bound by uncertainty.
For the past months, we are doing fine. I am doing fine. On typical weekends, I curl myself in bed without a care in the world. For the past years, I was sure I was invincible. I am solid ice.
Now, I often find myself in the middle of a movie.. thinking what the hell are you doing why you’re not sending a text message.
It changed after the holidays.
I know it could have killed you, me being gone for days but you know your place and so am I.
If you’re an ordinary guy.. I could have laughed out loud and moved on.
But the thing is having you around gives me a jolt of extraordinary feelings I never thought could be possible.
I should not expect anything from you, we talked about it. But it’s unfair that you expect me to do things that’s completely out of line. This we didn’t talk about but we have been doing subtle gestures that you and I both know… all of them are completely uncalled for.
If you said you didn’t change.. and everything is alright..
Why do I feel so miserable?
I know it.. and you know it.
We are drifting apart. No matter how hard we cover it by words.
I didn’t want it to end.
But then you left me here all alone… claiming it was me who let you go.
– The Lost Pages , an exceprt