Archive for July, 2011

Just like what most relationship propagandists would say, there’s your prince charming- he’s there somewhere waiting for the right time to strike the perfect moment for happily ever after- you just need to wait. Thirty years, I listened to this bullcrap and who knows how long it has been going on for everyone. I was told to be nice, to be perfectly honest to every guy I’ve been with to attract good karma- and that to cheat is taboo- you will get ten times the heartbreak when it happens to you. You will end up miserable, with no one but yourself. But then if you get cheated, eventually after the pain- you will end up two times happier than the person who broke your heart.

To be exponentially fair with the guys, here’s a thought: Good girlfriends do not exist.

If you find a girl who is very understanding – she’s doing it to be accepted. Everyone has its limits- with the exception of Mother Teresa- I don’t believe in saints because everyone is a sinner. No girl can be as humble or as generous as she was- even your mothers do not understand your actions at times- so why would we? If you find someone who gets ticked off or can blurt out how irritated she gets when you cancel a date because something came up- choose that girl. Because she is not afraid to let you know how she feels and she is brave enough to stand by her feelings- it means in the long run, no matter what- this person will never lie on her feelings and that you never have to read her. What you see is what you get.

If you find a girl who is offly modest- ditch her. She’s a liar. She will fake orgasms. You’ll never know if she ever had good sex with you or how big is your d*ck , really.

If you are dating a girl who seems to think that nothing is wrong with your family- RUN. Every girl has something to say about their future in-laws. There has to be something that creeps them out, if they never run out of patience every time your mum demands more errands to sacrifice your alone time with that special someone, this means you are in trouble. This will need fixing forever, it’s in the book of experience. At some point, real girlfriends ought to complain or throw the occasional bitch fit. It’s normal. I tell you.

If you are hooked with a chick that doesn’t complain or doesn’t get jealous easily- you are dating the worst chick ever. I don’t know what’s wrong with the picture but I just sense a strong scent of PRETENSE in there. All girls are territorials, just like guys. Even dogs get jealous and they don’t suffer from an alarmingly high estrogen attacks every month. So there.

If a girl doesn’t nag- then check underneath her skirt. You are probably dating a tranny. All girls nag in their own unique ways, if they don’t say anything- they don’t give a crap. You are probably not worth a dime.

I guess what I really want to say is- I’m done with it.Love girls or hate girls- you can never live without ’em. Just like how I can never live without guys no matter how many BS I have to endure to make a relationship works.

It’s one of those mysteries that life has to offer. No matter how hard you dodge them- sometimes the best way to deal with it is to tread into the wild and step on some deep shit.

Life. shit. happens.

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Wala akong maisip na nakakatawa. Ang totoo.. wala akong maisip sa kabuuan.

Nanaginip ako kagabi. Kinasal na daw yung ex ko. Tapos biglang dumilim ang kapaligiran.. ilang saglit pa at nakatayo ako sa maruming sapa at nanghuhuli ng mga palaka. Ako na.. ako na ang frog princess. Ambilis ng transition, hindi man lang ako nakapagpalit ng damit. Tapos- biglang sumulpot yung malaking palaka sa NARUTO at ang sabi ko raw ay “Hindi kita pedeng i-kiss dahil hindi ka magiging tao. Magiging kang Kung-Fu Panda.”

Sa pakiramdam ko, matapos ang tagpong yan ay matagal pa bago ako nagising. Marami pa akong napanaginipan- binubuo ng mga malalabong tagpong hindi ko na matandaan nang ako ay magising. Isa lang ang na realize ko….

Sa kabila ng pagiging madidirihin ko sa mga bagay na mada-drama kagaya ng TRUE LOVE at Prince Charming, sa kabila ng lahat, sa gilid ng aking hypothalamus, inaasam kong sa tamang pagkakataon ay darating din ang tamang lalaking nararapat para sa akin. (Huwaw! Lango na naman ako sa usok ng kalsada!) Pero yan ang isang mapait na katotohanan na nanahan sa kaibuturan ng aking puso (kung meron man) o sa aking libido (ang sabi nga ng mga bading).

Hindi ako nawawalan ng pag-asa, naniniwala ako na isang araw, matatagpuan ko rin sya. Habang may pera.. may pag-asa. Ang sabi nga¬† ng boss ko bago sya nakapag asawa- hindi nya inaasahan ang lahat. Dumating na lang bigla- mabilis ang pangyayari, sa isang iglap ay hindi nya namalayan nasa harap na pala sya ng altar. Nakaka inspire. Gusto kong isipin na darating ang panahon at ako naman ang magkukwento… “Hindi ko inaasahan- mabilis ang mga pangyayari- sa isang iglap hindi ko namalayang nasa harap na pala ako ng altar, matapos kong i-rolyo ang pulang carpet dahil anong petsa na??”

Ito lang ang bad trip kapag babae ka. Nabubuhay kang parang may time bomb sa katawan, hindi ka pwedeng pumetiks- kailangan mong magamit ang iyong matres. Kahit one time lang- kung ayaw mong magka-cancer. At ang mas bad trip.. kailangan mong makahanap ng makakadaupang palad para mabuhay. Gamitin mo ang matres mo, mamatay ka sa kanser o mamatay kang mag-isa. O kay pait.

Sa araw araw na ginawa ng Diyos palagi akong tinatanong ng nanay ko.. “Anak kelan ka mag aasawa? Bigyan mo na kami ng apo.” Ano ba? Baket hindi mo ko tinanong ng ganyan nung teenager pa lang ako? O kaya eh nung pagka graduate ko nung college? Baket ngayong ka-edad ko si Kim Kardashian ay saka mo ako pipilitin mag-asawa? Kung kelan nagsisimula nang magka-sapot ang mga egg cells ko. Lakas tama ka, Ma. Lakas tama ka. Matulog ka na.

“Anak, Kelan ka mag aasawa?” Sige Ma, memya. Hintay ka lang ng dadaan dyan.

“Bigyan mo na kami ng apo.” Sige bihis ka, punta tayo SM.

“Wala bang umaaligid sa yo?” So kahit sa rapist, ok lang? Sa ngalan ng apo??

Ayokong magsalita ng tapos. Ayokong umasa sa wala o kahit sa meron. Sa ngayon, ang pinaka importanteng bagay ay.. MASAYA AKO. MALAYA. HINDI NAG IISA. MAY NAGMAMAHAL.

Kung ang mga sinabi ko ay mahirap intindihin.. isipin mo na lang…

ABNOY ako.