This Blog Entry may Shock you.
It is far from all the Blog Entries that I have written in my entire Blogging life.
For sure, This maybe just another page in the web.
Too much drama Not Needed, But to me,,
This is the hardest piece I have ever yet to write.
This is way too Emotional,
Way too far from the image that I have Portrayed in my entire life.
On the morning of November 18, This year. I was rushed in the Hospital. On this very normal day, like most days in my life, I was at work in front of my Computer when I had the first Seizure Attack in my 30 years of Existence. According to a number of spectators, My body went Flinching and Jerking for what seems like a couple of minutes. I was Disoriented and I have no memory of them.
I was revived in the hospital. I have no recollection of what happened to me during the attack or how I get to the hospital. I just lay there feeling sick to my stomach and weak.
My Memories of Recovery were just plain Traumatic. For the Past Weeks, I Hyperventilated every-time I think of another Seizure Attack. I had tremors once in a while; I had Nightmares and woke up in the middle of the night, Screaming and feeling a strain in my jaw due to lack of air. I cannot sleep alone; I cannot be left Alone.
I hated myself for being so damn useless. I worry about losing my job; I worry about losing my partner; I worry about dying in the middle of my sleep.
I began to Question my Faith. You see, I am really not the Traditional Church Goer, I stopped doing that after I graduated from High School. I was born and raised from a very Religious Family, And yet I have so little Faith up there.
Battling Myself from doing what everyone kept on reminding, I started to pray. I didn’t start out with a question of why, In the silence of my room, I started to cry. I cried because I saw the many Beautiful faces of people that cared for me when I was sick. My family, Those that I have Taken for Granted; My friends, Those that I failed to Recognize for the Longest Time; My Boyfriend, To whom I have so little Faith On.
In the stillness of the moment, I picked up a Book; “Grace for The Moment by Max Lucado” Ramdomly, I open it; it says;
They Continue saying things that mean nothing, Thinking that God will hear them because of their many words.
Pray All the time. If Necessary; Use words
God Forgets the past. Imitate Him.
Dont Ask God to do what you want. Ask God to do what is Right.
No one is Useless to God. No One.
Nails didn’t hold God to a cross. Love Did.
You will never forgive anyone more than God has already forgiven you.
-When God Whisper. Your Name.
For the Longest time, I sat there in Silence. I have never felt so peaceful and calm. I just felt that during the lowest point of my life, He reached out his hand to me and I didn’t hesitate to reach back.
THANK YOU GOD FOR THE GIFT OF LIFE.
THANK YOU FOR MAKING ME FEEL THAT IT’S WORTH SAVING.