Archive for the ‘ironic endings’ Category

Walang taong nabubuhaysa mundo na gustong mamatay ng maaga – naisip ko habang pinagmamasdan ang kawalan sa loob ng higanteng MRI machine.

Hindi ako matatakutin na tao, mahilig lang akong manakot. Pero ang totoo, sa loob ng 45 minuto na inilagi ko sa loob ng higanteng makinang iyon, nilamon ako ng takot. Naisip kong sa bawat sandaling naramdaman kong marami ang nagmamahal sa akin- sa bandang huli, ang lahat tayo ay mamamatay ng mag-isa. Tangena lang di ba? Kaya kung ang goal mo ay magkaroon ng lalakeng magpapadama sa yo ng TRUE LOVE, mag hunos dili ka. Maghanap ng lalakeng sasamahan ka hanggang sa libingan. Yung tipong buhay pa sya tapos ikaw patay na.. tapos babantayan ka nya hanggang sa ma-agnas ka ng maigi. Yan… yan ang true love.

Balik tayo sa akin at sa higanteng MRI machine.

Hulaan nyo ang susunod na mangyayari…

Sympre pa, nagkita na naman kami.  Itago na lang naten sya sa pangalang MAN IN THE SKY aka MITS

MITS: (nakatayo sa ulap) Hello Engs,we meet again.

Kel: Jusko naman, Lord. Nag effort ka talaga eh. Kelangan talaga ipasok ako sa loob ng MRI para magkita tayo? Pede naman idaan na lang sa panaginip di ba?

MITS: (Nag-isip) Honga. Pero yaan mo na.. andito na tayo eh at saka nag seizure ka na.

Kel: Is my time up? Kukunin mo na ba ko?

MITS: (tumaas ang kilay) Tanga. Baket naman kita kukunin? Mabaet ka ba? Hala ka baka kinukuha ka na nung nasa baba.man

Kel: Baket sya? Wala naman akong ginawang masama.

MITS: (nagtaka) Wala??wala?? Weh! Meron kaya andami dami.

Kel: Sige nga ano? ano?

MITS: Talaga? Sabihin ko dito? Andaming nagbabasa ng blog mo.. ano game?

Kel: sige next time na lang.

MITS: Ikaw na ang duwag, hahahhha. Nang agaw ka ng jowa ng bestfriend mo eh. Sama mo.

Kel: Haller!! Hindi raw naging sila kahit kelan ever!!

MITS: Sige ikaw na ang Diyos dito.

Kel: Nag sex ba sila?

MITS: Ang tanong… nag sex ba kayo kahit alam mo na nagsex na sila… Diyos ako wag kang sinungaling.

Kel: Past is past. Bygones be bygones. I’m sure hindi naman ako mapupunta sa impyerno dahil dyan.

MITS: Hay bobo ka gurl. Anong sabi sa ten commandments? Huwag mong ipopoy kung may pomopopoy ng iba.

Kel: Haller! Para sa mag asawa lang yan.. hindi sila mag asawa.

MITS: dahil Diyos ako.. applicable na yan sa lahat.

Kel: Sige kahit sa langgam… sige applicable.

MITS: At dahil dyan mag si-seizure ka ulet after 5 years.

Kel: Wow.. powertrip

MITS: Wag kang nagyayabang porket may boypren kang kamukha ni Mike He. Hindi lahat ng KPOP ay cool.

Kel: Hindi KPOP si Mike He dahil chinese sya.

MITS: Sige CPOP.

Kel: Ewan ko sa yo, Lord. Ang gulo mo

MITS: Sorry naman. Si Jay Park lang kasi ang kilala ko sa KPOP eh…saka.. 2NE1.

Kel: wow.

MITS: Steg no? Pero may nakita ako one time.. cool din sila.. Super Junior ata yun.

Kel: Ayoko sa kanila masyado silang marami.

MITS: Oo.. sila kasi yung mga batang nakidnap nung mga kampon ni Puma Ley-Ar sa Shaider, genetically engineered yan para kumanta ng Mr Simple..Simple.

Kel and MITS: Hahahahahahhahahahaha

MITS: Tanga wag kang tatawa tawa kasi pag nagka anak ka kamukha nung isa dun malamang. Sayang, kung nakatuluyan mo yung isang ex mo na kamukha ni Gerald Anderson eh di.. pang artista sana ang mga supling nyo. Yihiii… AKOOO BUDOOOY.
g
Kel and MITS: Hahahahahahhahaa.

MITS: (sumeryoso) Masaya ka ba anak?

Kel: Oo. Tinatanong mo ba yan dahil malapit na ang oras ko?

MITS: Hindi, tinatanong ko yan dahil baka sakali lang matuto kang magpahalaga sa kaligayahan mo at sa kaligayahan ng iba.

Kel: Wow, deep.

MITS: Ang buhay kagaya ng kandilang nauupos..kapag nahipan ng hangin mabilis natutunaw. Kaya kung ako sa yo.. enjoy every moment. Wag mong pabayaang lamunin ang oras mo ng mga bagay na hindi importante.

Kel: Kagaya ng ano?

MITS: Kagaya ng laptop, iphones, blackberry at kung ano ano pa.

Kel: At KPOP?

MITS: (napaisip) hindi. FUN talaga sila.

Kel: Whatever.

MITS: Duh.

Kel: Wala ka bang ibang words of wisdom pa dyan?

MITS: Sympre marami. Pero since ikaw lang ang kausap ko, nevermind na lang.

Kel: Pwede ba akong magtanong?

MITS: Isa lang….

Kel: Kelan ba ako ikakasal?

MITS: Naje jebs ako..

Kel: Naman… kelan?

……..

“Miss, tapos na. Sabihin na lang ng neurologist mo yung result mamaya…”

Talaga, Lord??? Talagang walang sagot???

Unfair.

Hmpf.

Today marks the first year of my last entry in Facebook after I deactivated my account.

Today marks the first day of FREEDOM. I found out from our common friends that you have changed your status from SINGLE to IN A RELATIONSHIP. For a brief moment, my heart stopped as I listen to “hear says” feeling an unexplainable pinch of puzzling loneliness.

It was nothing dramatic like comparing myself to the new girl- asking questions like jealous girlfriends do. I am, after all, feeling happy that you are able to let go of your last piece to happiness – your last piece, whatever it is that holds me to you. For the last year, even when I have fallen for someone else, I have been praying that happiness finds its way to you. Here’s my first and last message after the long sabatical silence of where I stand:

I am no longer standing on the same ground. I have accepted that things didn’t work out because we have based our relationship in FATE rather than reality. I had to learn that lesson real hard- I had to lose you to gain someone imperfect but real. I had been looking for answers for the longest time, why there was emptiness even when we were  together, why there was discontent even when you gave your all, I had found out in tme long after you were gone that we didn’t work out because we didn’t stop believing in true love but we stopped trying to make it TRUE.  Sometimes life has to be creative to lead you to the right way;it just really need to sting. Thank you for the 10 years of love, happiness and all the emotions in between. It was one hell of a roller coaster ride. I know at some point- I am bound to dedicate one entry of my blog for you. Thank you for everything, we had a pretty good run. Thank you for letting me go because it was never easier for me to be happy when I know that you are hurting. Thank you for giving love another shot and for believing that somehow when I left you all  alone, one person is destined to pick you up to love you more than I ever did. And if in the end, things still don’t work out, live life and love stronger.After all, life is too short to live it in maybe’s and what if’s.

As the song goes…

Every new beginnings come from some other beginning’s end..

Cheers.

On walking out.

Posted: August 8, 2010 in emo, ironic endings, Life, miarmiar-isms

A friend once told me, no so long time ago that he  can take a bullet in a heartbeat rather than suffer an excruciating pain from toothache.  Everyone agreed. And I didn’t.

There is nothing more painful than emotional pain – because when it hurts.. it aches all over within. You can take out the tooth when it’s no longer of use, call a dentist, take some antibiotics and the next few days- the pain subsides and you move on with your life.  I wish there’s a similar process when you let go of someone important.

You call someone whose field of expertise involves cutting people out of people’s lives – issue a prescription from the sudden gush of pain and voila- he’s gone.

It’s weird that we can easily let go of a tooth that has always been there since birth yet we find it hard to move on when you lose someone whose just been a part of your life for a while. What the hell em I missing?

It’s so rocket science.

There was a phone call I received weeks ago from a friend who asked how was it possible that I am capable of leaving someone just like that. Hanging in there somewhere.. waiting for me to come back.

I chuckled and blurted out, “Well I really wish I could have given him a heads up. Like a 3 week notice or something..but then this is not some nasty job you can just quit like that, you shit. That’s how break ups are supposed to be. If I advised him before walking out..that’ll be some twisted shit, don’t you think?” then hung up.

There’s pain inside that sometimes crawl all over me. I feel alone. I feel scared. I feel all sort of things.  But then again – break ups are supposed to be this way. It’s a phase. I get it.  And I am trying to survive, I just wish that you stay strong for me.

Because when I walk out on us.. it means I am walking out on you.

It means I am walking out on our plans..on our dreams…

And most importantly.. I am walking out..

On the person that I used to be.

So please don’t make this all about you. You are not the only one hurting here.

Because when I left you alone somewhere.. I lost my old self just right there.

Why I’m taking the forbidden road of single hood.. only I can understand.

I am ending my long sabbatical journey of not writing. I am finally done with that. Finally, my battle with idleness and silence has come to an end.

I came back broken but mending. Sad but strong. Weak but not crying.

Bitter but hopeful.

I made a re-run of the scenarios in my head, why it ended, why I gave up. I guess at some breaking point- everyone is entitled to that one instance of finally accepting the reality that moving forward is the only option to make things work.

This is the ultimate turning point of my life. I have never had any. It is at this point when Grey’s Anatomy makes sense at the most. Pain is good.. pain is your friend because when you feel pain, you are alive (and so does GI Jane. HAHA!)

Letting go is such a cliche. It is not the parting of ways that defines you.. it is the pain and the struggle behind it, yes, the drama. I have never thought in my entire life that I, at some point will write an entry about the kind of stuff that you watch on TV. But then nothing is more dramatic than the lives of the people around us. It is what makes my world go round and so does yours.  We are all swimming in that overwhelming emotional pool that is yours and mine, gasping for air of hope, trying to breathe from the intertwined pain of drama and such.  In some twisted way, I think it is all connected. I hope it does or I maybe delusional.

Ending ten years of something special is something that I might regret for the rest of my life. It is like changing a religion or disowning a family member or just plain quitting of brushing your teeth in the morning.  At this point, my conscience is killing me and my guilt haunts me every night when I go to bed. It is at this point of time when I wanted to sleep and not wake up in the following day because I felt like every step away from you makes my world crumble. It felt like threading in some uncharted territory without you in it. I don’t know where to go and I don’t know where will I be. In some romantic story, this is probably the kind of words that is music to someone else’s ears but not in ours. Because with you, I DON’T KNOW WHO I AM ANYMORE. What I am capable of doing and what is my reason to love you. I know LOVE does not need a reason but at some point, it is bound to inspire to make things happen. Yet we have come to a point where planning became a hobby, where in plans trapped us into a world of unrealistic expectations. We are stuck into nothingness.. into a world of make believe because others have believed in it so much – we forgot to execute it.  We believed in a world that others believed in. We are no more than a child waiting for a Christmas present.

For a long period of time, I hated myself for seeing things as it is.  I was in denial.  I struggled to keep our world look perfect from the outside disregarding the truth that we are drifting apart. I don’t know when and why it happened , I only know that at one point- we both stopped trying. At least for me. At least that’s what I felt.

I did not leave because there’s someone else. There are moments when I wanted to be weak.. when I wanted to give in but my moral never fails to hold me back… because it is not right. Because it is unfair and because when youth is almost over.. I have this unquestionable urge to make things right.. not for whoever that person might be but solely..just for me.

But if I stay amidst of all these.. when familiarity and comfort transcend what love is supposed to be.. then what kind of person will I be?

I know I am not perfect. Hell, I even look average.. I am not getting younger at all.  But then I am sure of all the wrong things this might cause if I stay. I am sure of the bigger heartaches it will implicate, I chose to let go not because I don’t love you anymore.. but rather..

Simply because.. for once in my existence.. I wanted to make that stand and do the right thing.

At least that’s what I believe in.. for now.

Last week..

C: Eh baket ka naman maiinsecure dun sa babae na yun?? Ok ka lang?

Z: Saang banda ka nai insecure dun? Umayos ka ah..

K: (nakatingin sa kawalan, malungkot) Naiinsecure ako hindi physically. Naiinsecure ako dahil.. once in this lifetime.. SHE HAD YOU and I never did.

Z: (kurot sa tagiliran) Nang gagago ka na naman. Umayos ka.

K: (natawa) YEBA! Kinilig ka no?

C: Leche kayo naglalandian na naman kayo.

—-

Sa may Jollibee stand..

Z: Ate, dalawang chickenjoy nga tapos extra gravy. (sabay hawi ng buhok ko sa likuran)

K: Eto na naman kakainin naten? Binubuni na ko dyan eh. Hindi ka ba nagsasawa?

Z: Basta anong pagkain pag kasama kita hindi ako nagsasawa.

K: Ayun oh. Ka-kyut.

—-

Z: Baket ba hindi mo na ko pinapansin? Hindi lang tayo nagkita ng dalawang araw may pinalit ka na sa ken? Sino na pinalit mo sa ken? (sabay lapit ng ulo sa monitor ko)

K: Kung alam mo lang kung gano kalungkot kasi wala ka dito. Nahirapan ako.

C: Hoy taena nyong dalawa.. maghiwalay nga kayo.. ang aga aga naglalandian kayo dito!

K: (nagalet) Landiin mo nga rin yang gagong yan para hindi nag iingay.

—-

Sa text matapos maghatiran sa sakayan.

Z: I’m home. Ingat ka po.

K: Ok. Pahinga ka na.

Z: San ka na?

K: Road pa eh. Traffic.

Z: Sige wait kita makauwi.

K: Wag na mapupuyat ka lang.

Z: Drama.

—-

Z: Di ba type mo yung ininterview mo? Ganun naman mga trip mo di ba? Matangkad.. magaling magbasketball tapos excellent communication skills. Sino ba naman ako. I’m nothing.

K: Sige ipagtabuyan mo pa ko. Ok yan. One day it might just come true.

Z: Napaka defensive mo kasi eh.

K: Eh baket? Ganyan ka rin naman dati dun sa dati mong crush ah.. sabi mo wala pero meron pala.

Z: SO type mo nga?

K: (stunned) Nakwento ko bang malapit nang ma-restore yung Volks ko? Asteg ganda ng upholstery.

Z: Yang ganyang mga hirit nakakasaket yan.

K: (sarcastic) Ano bang gusto mong marinig? OO na type ko sya.. pero ikaw ang gusto ko. Ikaw ang mas type ko.. suko na ko.. mahal na kita.. nakataas na nga dalawang kamay ko oh (sabay taas ng dalawang kamay) ikaw na ang mahal ko peksman mamatay man. (sabay tawa) Ok no? Robin Padilla yan.. ikaw si Vina Morales. Libre mo naman akong Coke.

Z: Gaguhan na naman to, sabi ko na nga ba.

Kelan ko sasabihin ang totoo ng hindi ako tatawa?

Hindi ko alam.

Tatsulok.

Posted: March 25, 2010 in emo, ironic endings, Life, miarmiar-isms

Where: Car

When:  Last week.

Characters: Me and a Friend.

Hindi ko magawang maging mean sa yo dahil iniisip ko ang mga sandaling… nilibre mo ako.

K: Ano ang regret #25? Kasalanan ko ba to?

F: Alam mo tsong.. sana hindi na lang ako sumama sa inyo. Sana tayong dalawa na lang yung lumabas dahil sa tuwing nakikita ko na sya nasasaktan ako.

K: (buntong hininga) Hindi pa ba tapos to? Ang tagal na nito ah.

F: May times na umasa ako na baka sakaling pag naging close kami eh babalik kami sa dati. Hindi ko sya pinapansin nun pero nung nawala sya.. tumigil ang mundo ko.

K: (buntong hininga, mas malalim sa una) Ayokong sabihin to sa yo kasi ayokong masaktan kita. Akala ko kasi mari realize mo.. na the only reason he’s here is because he wants to keep yung friendship nateng tatlo. Sobrang obvious, tsong. Na yun lang ang gusto nya. Nasasaktan ka kasi umaasa ka pa. I get it. I’m sorry.. I wish I can say more pero kasi ayokong mag assume ng mga bagay tapos masasaktan lang kita.

F: (nagpunas ng luha) We started in a wrong level. Hindi ko na iniisip na ibalik yun.. na mahalin nya ako ulet. Na marinig sa kanya ulet that he belonged to me for a period. Ayoko nang ibalik yun. Pero sa tuwing idle ako.. sya ang default thought ko.

K: (natahimik dahil nasaktan)….

F: Nararamdaman ko, tsong. Napilitan lang syang sumama sa ‘ten. Nagyaya sya agad umuwi. Parang balewala ako.. parang hindi ako naging special sa buhay nya.. kahit isang beses lang.

K: (napailing) Naintindihan kita. But you have to move on. You have to accept that you can never ring back the past. Wag mo nang ikwento sa ken tsong.. kung ano kayo dati. Masasaktan ka lang. Dahil ito kayo ngayon. Ito ang nangyayari.. siguro at some point na-confuse sya between you and his girlfriend. Pero tandaan mo.. hindi ikaw ang pinili nya. Hindi sya nasaktan ng sobra sobra nung nawala ka. Kung talagang mahal ka nya.. gumawa sana sya ng paraan… to make the wrong things right…for the both of you. Naghiwalay na sila ng girlfriend nya.. kung meron talaga.. sana.. eh di sana.. kayo na ngayon. Pero eto ka ngayon. Stranded on the same ground.. pero wala na sya.

F: (iyak) Alam ko. Masyadong masakit.. pero believe me I am trying to move on. Pinipilit ko talaga.

K: Pwede bang maging honest ka sa ken? Ano ba sa tingin mo ang meron sa men ngayon? Sa tingin mo ba ako na ang bagong ikaw?

F: Hindi ako ang makakasagot nyan. Ikaw lang… kasi ikaw ang nakaka feel nyan eh.

K: Alam ko ang sagot sa sarili ko. Ang gusto kong malaman.. kung ano ang tingin mo.

F: Hindi ko alam. Hindi ko alam kung anong iisipin ko.. baka hindi ko kayang tanggapin yung sagot kasi masasaktan ako. Kels, nasasaktan ako ngayon dahil ang nafi feel ko ngayon ay parang nawalan ako ng isang importanteng tao sa buhay ko at alam kong kagagawan ko yun. And what’s crushing me ay wala na akong magagawa, I can’t bring it back. Yun lang. Kaya ko naiiisip yung past dahil nafi frustrate ako, napaka effortless na naging close sya sa ken pero ngayon taena hindi ko alam gagawin ko para maging close kami ulet. Hindi ko alam kung dahil nandyan ka na, and I became dispensable..pinipilit kong magbago para gawin nya akong kaibigan ulet..

Umuwi ako ng bahay na mabigat ang pakiramdam. Hindi ko alam kung paano sasabihin sa yo.. dahil hindi ako sigurado.. na baka sa mga sandaling umiiyak ka at nagtatanong kung baket wala na sya sa yo..

Tumatawag sya sa cellphone ko at nagtatanong..

Nasan ka na?

Na miss kita. ….

Napa-isip sa sulok ng aking kwarto..

Paano kung mahal ko rin sya? At mahal mo pa sya..

Pero mahal nya ako..

Sino ang pipiliin ko?

Ako..

Siya..

o Ikaw….

Drama VS. Zombies

Posted: March 22, 2010 in ironic endings, Life, miarmiar-isms

Natapos ang weekend na hindi ko namamalayan.

Nagising ako sa tunog ng aking cellphone. Tumatawag ka na pala.

Ang sabi mo ay nasa labas ka lang at kasama ang pamilya mo for lunch.

Hanggang kelan tayo ganito?, naisip ko habang pinipindot ang disconnect button sa aking telepono. Hindi ko naman sinabi na wag tayong ganito.. sa palagay ko malulungkot din ako pag nawala ka.

Malulungkot. Kahit iniisip kong wala ka na talaga.

Pero nandyan ka. Nandito ako. Ang tanging problema lang eh parang pinaglalayo tayo ng isang dosenang bilang ng uncertanties at milyong milyong bilang ng WHAT IFs.

Ayoko na. Napabangon ako sabay hanap ng controller. Binuksan ang malaking TV at sinalpak ang bala ng Resident Evil 5.

DIE ZOMBIES!

Mamatay kayong lahat.  Baril dito. Baril dun. Hagis ng hand grenade.. reload ng upgraded Dragonov Shotgun.. headshot-in ang mga aprikanong infected ng T-Virus. Ang mga pasaway na Uruboros experiments. Mamatay na kayong lahat mga maiitim na zombies.

Naisip ko sana… sa totoong buhay.. tayong dalawa… parang laro lang sa Playstation.

Pag nag GAME OVER.. pwedeng mag-try ulet.. hanggang sa makalampas sa isang level.

Meron ding CHECKPOINT dahil nakakapagod bumalik sa umpisa…

May UPGRADE option dahil may mga gamit na kailangan mong i-upgrade sa next level para mabuhay ka sa game…

May mga characters na pwede mong i-customize…

May mga Chapters na pwede mong I-SELECT…

May mga kalaban na pwede mong iwasan…

May mga puzzles na kaya mong i-solve…

May good at bad endings.. pero kahit ano pa man.. pag natapos mo ang laro.. pwede mong umpisahan ulet.

Pero tayong dalawa..

Umpisa pa lang parang…..

Game Over na.

Peste.