Just like what most relationship propagandists would say, there’s your prince charming- he’s there somewhere waiting for the right time to strike the perfect moment for happily ever after- you just need to wait. Thirty years, I listened to this bullcrap and who knows how long it has been going on for everyone. I was told to be nice, to be perfectly honest to every guy I’ve been with to attract good karma- and that to cheat is taboo- you will get ten times the heartbreak when it happens to you. You will end up miserable, with no one but yourself. But then if you get cheated, eventually after the pain- you will end up two times happier than the person who broke your heart.

To be exponentially fair with the guys, here’s a thought: Good girlfriends do not exist.

If you find a girl who is very understanding – she’s doing it to be accepted. Everyone has its limits- with the exception of Mother Teresa- I don’t believe in saints because everyone is a sinner. No girl can be as humble or as generous as she was- even your mothers do not understand your actions at times- so why would we? If you find someone who gets ticked off or can blurt out how irritated she gets when you cancel a date because something came up- choose that girl. Because she is not afraid to let you know how she feels and she is brave enough to stand by her feelings- it means in the long run, no matter what- this person will never lie on her feelings and that you never have to read her. What you see is what you get.

If you find a girl who is offly modest- ditch her. She’s a liar. She will fake orgasms. You’ll never know if she ever had good sex with you or how big is your d*ck , really.

If you are dating a girl who seems to think that nothing is wrong with your family- RUN. Every girl has something to say about their future in-laws. There has to be something that creeps them out, if they never run out of patience every time your mum demands more errands to sacrifice your alone time with that special someone, this means you are in trouble. This will need fixing forever, it’s in the book of experience. At some point, real girlfriends ought to complain or throw the occasional bitch fit. It’s normal. I tell you.

If you are hooked with a chick that doesn’t complain or doesn’t get jealous easily- you are dating the worst chick ever. I don’t know what’s wrong with the picture but I just sense a strong scent of PRETENSE in there. All girls are territorials, just like guys. Even dogs get jealous and they don’t suffer from an alarmingly high estrogen attacks every month. So there.

If a girl doesn’t nag- then check underneath her skirt. You are probably dating a tranny. All girls nag in their own unique ways, if they don’t say anything- they don’t give a crap. You are probably not worth a dime.

I guess what I really want to say is- I’m done with it.Love girls or hate girls- you can never live without ’em. Just like how I can never live without guys no matter how many BS I have to endure to make a relationship works.

It’s one of those mysteries that life has to offer. No matter how hard you dodge them- sometimes the best way to deal with it is to tread into the wild and step on some deep shit.

Life. shit. happens.

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Wala akong maisip na nakakatawa. Ang totoo.. wala akong maisip sa kabuuan.

Nanaginip ako kagabi. Kinasal na daw yung ex ko. Tapos biglang dumilim ang kapaligiran.. ilang saglit pa at nakatayo ako sa maruming sapa at nanghuhuli ng mga palaka. Ako na.. ako na ang frog princess. Ambilis ng transition, hindi man lang ako nakapagpalit ng damit. Tapos- biglang sumulpot yung malaking palaka sa NARUTO at ang sabi ko raw ay “Hindi kita pedeng i-kiss dahil hindi ka magiging tao. Magiging kang Kung-Fu Panda.”

Sa pakiramdam ko, matapos ang tagpong yan ay matagal pa bago ako nagising. Marami pa akong napanaginipan- binubuo ng mga malalabong tagpong hindi ko na matandaan nang ako ay magising. Isa lang ang na realize ko….

Sa kabila ng pagiging madidirihin ko sa mga bagay na mada-drama kagaya ng TRUE LOVE at Prince Charming, sa kabila ng lahat, sa gilid ng aking hypothalamus, inaasam kong sa tamang pagkakataon ay darating din ang tamang lalaking nararapat para sa akin. (Huwaw! Lango na naman ako sa usok ng kalsada!) Pero yan ang isang mapait na katotohanan na nanahan sa kaibuturan ng aking puso (kung meron man) o sa aking libido (ang sabi nga ng mga bading).

Hindi ako nawawalan ng pag-asa, naniniwala ako na isang araw, matatagpuan ko rin sya. Habang may pera.. may pag-asa. Ang sabi nga  ng boss ko bago sya nakapag asawa- hindi nya inaasahan ang lahat. Dumating na lang bigla- mabilis ang pangyayari, sa isang iglap ay hindi nya namalayan nasa harap na pala sya ng altar. Nakaka inspire. Gusto kong isipin na darating ang panahon at ako naman ang magkukwento… “Hindi ko inaasahan- mabilis ang mga pangyayari- sa isang iglap hindi ko namalayang nasa harap na pala ako ng altar, matapos kong i-rolyo ang pulang carpet dahil anong petsa na??”

Ito lang ang bad trip kapag babae ka. Nabubuhay kang parang may time bomb sa katawan, hindi ka pwedeng pumetiks- kailangan mong magamit ang iyong matres. Kahit one time lang- kung ayaw mong magka-cancer. At ang mas bad trip.. kailangan mong makahanap ng makakadaupang palad para mabuhay. Gamitin mo ang matres mo, mamatay ka sa kanser o mamatay kang mag-isa. O kay pait.

Sa araw araw na ginawa ng Diyos palagi akong tinatanong ng nanay ko.. “Anak kelan ka mag aasawa? Bigyan mo na kami ng apo.” Ano ba? Baket hindi mo ko tinanong ng ganyan nung teenager pa lang ako? O kaya eh nung pagka graduate ko nung college? Baket ngayong ka-edad ko si Kim Kardashian ay saka mo ako pipilitin mag-asawa? Kung kelan nagsisimula nang magka-sapot ang mga egg cells ko. Lakas tama ka, Ma. Lakas tama ka. Matulog ka na.

“Anak, Kelan ka mag aasawa?” Sige Ma, memya. Hintay ka lang ng dadaan dyan.

“Bigyan mo na kami ng apo.” Sige bihis ka, punta tayo SM.

“Wala bang umaaligid sa yo?” So kahit sa rapist, ok lang? Sa ngalan ng apo??

Ayokong magsalita ng tapos. Ayokong umasa sa wala o kahit sa meron. Sa ngayon, ang pinaka importanteng bagay ay.. MASAYA AKO. MALAYA. HINDI NAG IISA. MAY NAGMAMAHAL.

Kung ang mga sinabi ko ay mahirap intindihin.. isipin mo na lang…

ABNOY ako.

Where: Rooftop ng Opisina, Yosihan

When: Last week

Characters: Kellie, D, Z at J

D: Pwre, kamusta naman ang paglilipat nyo sa bagong bahay?

J: Badtrip nga kasi konti lang talaga yung nasalba namen dun sa sunog. Nami miss ko yung PS3 saka yung LED TV ko.

D: Ok lang yan. Think positive, when God closes a door, He opens a window.

K: (nairita) Inamuka. Anong close – close ang pinagsasabi mo dyan?? Eh nasunog nga lahat ng windows sa bahay nila.

D: Tanga sinasabi ko ok lang yun. Gamit lang yun mapupundar din yun.

K: O sige ikaw na ang uplifter ng mga souls, ikaw na ang palaging pasitib dito, Sinasabi mo yan kasi hindi kayo magkapitbahay. Eh kung isa ka sa mga nasunugan at sinabihan ka ng ganyan? Think pasitib.. sige sa bangketa ka matulog.

D: Sige ikaw na ang burster ng bubbles dito.

Z: Hahahahahahaha,

K: Engot ka kasi, Pasitib pasitib. Sympre hindi yun ok.. sinabi mo na lang sana.. hassle yan tsong pero I’m sure mabibili mo rin yung mga gamit na nasunog, it will just take time.

D: Tanga ka? Yun din yun yung sinabi ko eh pinahaba mo lang.

K: Bobo ka? Magkaiba yun.. dapat ang sinabi mo—

J: Wag na kayo mag away please? Ok lang naman talaga sa ken eh. Ok lang na nasunugan kami.. natanggap ko na.

K: (nagalet, hithit ng yosi) Wag ka ngang fan ng Batibot???!! Si Kuya Bojie ka?

D: Ikaw na ang KUYA BOJIE na kahugis ni Pong Pagong!

Z at K: Hahahahahahhaa…

K: Tsong dein ka si Pong Pagong.. indi ka naman bading eh.

Z: Baket bading si Pong Pagong??

K: Hindi ko alam pero ikaw na ang pagong na harot. Sa lahat ng pagong sya ang KASAT. Umaalembong kay Kiko Matsing.

D: Napanood nyo ba yung porn ni Kiko Matsing at Ate Sienna?

K: Hindi tol eh.. pero napanuod ko ung kay Jolibbee saka kay Hetty

J: Si Twirly yun boss.

K: Sige ikaw na ang tama. Eh yung kay Ronald Mc Donald saka kay Grimace?

J: Hind boss eh. Pero ano ba talaga si Grimace?

K: Popsicle na kulay violet.

D: Tanga, halaya yun na naka smile.

K: Bobo.Dildo yun na naka ngisi.

Z: Ano ba talaga sya?

K: Maskot.

D: Sige wala nang kwenta to.. balik na lang tayo sa floor. (sabay talikod at lakad palayo)

Eh ano ba talaga si Grimace?

Bakla ba talaga si Pong Pagong?

Oo nga. ang korni na.

Matutulog na ko.

Ciao.

I am feeling smart today. My dad sent me the much awaiting birthday gift- my HD laptop.. finally.

But then there’s that edgy feeling since yesterday after my dog collapsed and my sister had to revive him. I just went out with my soon to be boyfriend to get something at the gasoline stop when my mum sent me a text message asking me to go home.. well they thought he swallowed something and he went on cardiac arrest. When i got home, he was ok.. wagged his tail and went on howling in heat. My theory is that he might have suffered from heat stroke as I needed to leave him in the other room because my guy was on the other room watching Little Fockers.. he has some kind of weird dog phobia.. whatever the term is. I know in some books the notion reeks of something unlikely of mr. righteousness but I’m ok with that. I wonder what they say on people that are alektrophobic.

Anyways, back to the horror of reality. I will be going back to work tomorrow. Same old piece of hell. I wonder how it’s been there after my 3 days of vacation. I wish things are normal like how I left them. I did not dare to open my email at work while still at home nor check my blackberry messages. It’s too early to be smothered by endless tasks of do this and do that. I told my boss I’m going on a vacation trip but really I didn’t plan for anything fancy.. I honestly just went out with SOYA and hang around the house with him. We watched a bunch of movies (most of them, I didn’t see the ending because I occassionally close my eyes and meditate), I hope he didn’t get pissed when I fell asleep in the middle of WORLD BATTLE: LOS ANGELES, that’s a decent 200 bucks going down the drain on him. But I’m pretty sure he was awake when I puke out as we watch the credits roll in RED RIDING HOOD. Gosh, TWILIGHT producers or whoever, please have the decency to create new ideas and stop living the TWILIGHT dream.. it’s seriously annoying. I honestly thought you guys borrowed Jacob at the end of the movie. That’s plagiarism.

But here’s what I really like- SEASON OF THE WITCH but I think the ending is just overkill-anything other than that is plain freaky. You know how it is when the movie is really good but then the ending just ruined it and the scriptwriting suddenly fluctuated into a load of crappyness?? I had my mum watched it only to find out how mad she is the next morning because Nicolas Cage and that Hellboy dude sacrificed their lives for the triumph of good versus evil (they are probably implying of putting an end to exorcisms and such but then Linda Blair happened and they died in vain). Spoiler alert, everyone 🙂 My mum hates it when the lead casts die in movies like how Brad Pitt was scorched in TROY, I let her watch it just for fun years ago and she went ballistic on me. Don’t blame her, she’s a big fan of the undefeatable Steven Seagal.. name  one movie of him where he died, scorched or  bruised and I’ll send you my new laptop.

Enihu, I’m just trying this baby and I started blabbering on this entry. Sorry that you need to go through all of that. I know right? Who cares???

Ciao.

 

Posted: March 5, 2011 in bitch fit, Dramatic Exits

X: Tsong alam mo ba yung kaaway mo sabi sa ‘yo feeling maganda ka raw?

K: (hithit ng yosi) Eh ano naman? Naputulan ba sya ng kuryente nung nagfeeling ako na maganda ako ? Kanya kanyang trip yan. Eh di sya na maganda sabihin mo sa kanya. Siya lang. Ina nya.

X: Grabe, nabasa ko lang sa FB eh.

K: Eh leche ka, pano mo naman nalaman na ako yun?

X: Eh ikaw lang naman feeling maganda rito eh.. saka ikaw lang kaaway nya.

K: Eh di ok.  I wish her happiness, love, prosperity and eventually death. Pakisabi na lang na deactivated yung FB ko kaya mapapagod lang sya kasi hindi ko yun mababasa.

X: Eh kaya nga sinasabi ko sa yo. Laughtrip kasi eh.. ikaw pa inaaaway nya eh wala ka namang pakiramdam. Mapapagod lang sila. Kaya daw kasi sila magkakaibigan kasi pare-parehas daw silang laitera.

K: Eh di ok, meron silang something in common. Eh ano naman ngayon sa ken? Hihinto ba ang oras? Hindi ba magugunaw ang mundo? Mababaog ba ako pag hindi ako nag-react?

X: Eh kasi panay ang comment nung mga friends nya rin dun.. pinipintasan ka.

K: Eh baka totoo naman yung sinasabi nila. Ok lang yun sa ‘ken. Hindi naman panlalait yun.. nagsasabi lang sila ng totoo. Parang ako lang. Pabayaan mo lang sila. Basta ba mapapaiyak nila ako eh kung titirahin nila ako ng personal, at least may napala sila. Eh ang kaso.. matakot na lang sila pag binalikan ko sila.

X: Sabi kasi dun ni – – – maitim daw ang budhi mo kaya pumapanget ang hitsura mo.

K: Ok lang.. kasi pag naging kulay blue sya kamukha nya yung bingot na leading lady ni Jake Sully sa Avatar. (hithit ng yosi, sabay modulate ng boses ni Neytiri..) You’re like a baby!!

X: Hahahahhaha.. gago ka.

K: Ina nya.

X: Eh sabi ni ano.. WITCH ka daw.

K: Ok.. sya na ang mabait. Kamukha nya yung kambal ni DORA sa KIMI-DORA, tanga sya.

X: Eh puppeteer ka daw sabi nung isa.

K: Eh di bongga. Pero kung kukuha ako ng puppet.. hindi ko sya kukunin dahil hindi sya character. .. HALF MOON SYA. PROPS SYA SA BACKGROUND. o kaya mangga sa basket.

X: Tawang tawa nga si – – – – eh. Ni-like nya yung comment.

K: Eh mabuti naman at may iba syang pinagtatawanan maliban sa sarili nya. Hindi ako naaasar sa kanya kasi kung naging kulay yellow sya.. pwede na syang kambal ni Pikachu.

X: Eh balik tayo sa feeling maganda ka raw?

K: Ito lang ang masasabi ko.. at least hindi ako iniiwan ng lalake. Hindi ako home wrecker.. hindi ako pumapatol sa may sabit at ako ang nang iiwan sa mga lalake. Mas ok na feeling maganda ako kesa sa feeling single. Wala akong responsibilidad, pwede akong mag-party hanggang kelan ko gusto at hindi ko kailangan i-post ang mga pictures ko sa FB to get attention.. para ano? Para patunayan na may asim pa ako?

…Na kahit iniwan ako ng lalake eh kaya ko pang maghanap ng iba? Kahit anong mangyari, hindi ako nagka asawa.. hindi ako nalaspag. hindi ako pinagsawaan.. hindi ako tira tira… kaya siguro feeling maganda ako. I can feel whatever I want to feel.. but never PATHETIC because when everything has been said and done.. it all boils down to.. what you are at the end of the day. They can judge all they want but I will never give them the satisfaction of knowing the real person in me. Because they are not worth my time. Nasasaktan nga yung ego ko pag pinapatulan ko sila eh. Kasi sa totoo lang… hanggang status lang sila sa FB. All talk and no confrontation..

Kaya please lang..

Tell them to move on..

Because I will never change..

Life is too short to spend it on hating me.. mapapagod lang sila.

Posted: February 12, 2011 in miarmiar-isms

My imaginary therapist said that in order to veer away from stress, I should always find time to count the good things that I take for granted on a daily basis.

Ok.. that sounds like BS. I must find the decency of really hiring a good therapist other than myself. Since I cannot find the time to comb my hair in between my destructive stressful schedule, I decided to count them on a weekly basis. If I do this on a daily basis, my blackberry will explode.

WORK

This is the highlight of my week. This week, one of my subordinates was fired. The previous week was very stressful because of the proceedings and the hearings that took place to polish a TERMINATION memo. Although, the dismissal of this employee caused quite a turbulence on my place of work, come FRIDAY everything was back to normal. Or so I thought.

I was liberated from a shitload of crappy excuses and dramatic exits that has been happening for quite some time, and for 2 glorious minutes I stood there in silence as I watch her being escorted out of our call floor.

I slept like a baby on a warm Wednesday afternoon. Finally.

FAMILY

My mom is healthy and not complaining of other mundane things because my dad sent her money. Thank God for responsible fathers like the one I have. Most of all, whoever coined the idea of CASH PADALA is a genius.

MEN
Tomorrow marks my 36th week of singlehood. I am happy that things are getting easier every minute of the day. Men, however single I may be will always be constant in my life. I can’t live without them. I guess that’s a reality that every girl fears to admit. Well.. I’m not most girls. On a lazy Sunday morning, I still wish to be with someone to indulge with stimulating conversations and non-stop cuddling. I still fantasize of being with someone that will compliment me no matter how imperfect I can be on any given day and someone that I can compliment not for ego boost but because I am deeply madly in love with the person. In my twisted universe, such guy exists.. in reality, I hope one will. I guess I will continue to sit it down for a while and just be with myself until the time comes to be with a guy again.

I may not be in a relationship right now but someone takes care of me in a way most partners would do. And for me that’s enough.. until I’m ready.

‘Nuff said.

Posted: January 7, 2011 in miarmiar-isms

IKAW NA SI MACHINE MAN!