Archive for August, 2010

On walking out.

Posted: August 8, 2010 in emo, ironic endings, Life, miarmiar-isms

A friend once told me, no so long time ago that he  can take a bullet in a heartbeat rather than suffer an excruciating pain from toothache.  Everyone agreed. And I didn’t.

There is nothing more painful than emotional pain – because when it hurts.. it aches all over within. You can take out the tooth when it’s no longer of use, call a dentist, take some antibiotics and the next few days- the pain subsides and you move on with your life.  I wish there’s a similar process when you let go of someone important.

You call someone whose field of expertise involves cutting people out of people’s lives – issue a prescription from the sudden gush of pain and voila- he’s gone.

It’s weird that we can easily let go of a tooth that has always been there since birth yet we find it hard to move on when you lose someone whose just been a part of your life for a while. What the hell em I missing?

It’s so rocket science.

There was a phone call I received weeks ago from a friend who asked how was it possible that I am capable of leaving someone just like that. Hanging in there somewhere.. waiting for me to come back.

I chuckled and blurted out, “Well I really wish I could have given him a heads up. Like a 3 week notice or something..but then this is not some nasty job you can just quit like that, you shit. That’s how break ups are supposed to be. If I advised him before walking out..that’ll be some twisted shit, don’t you think?” then hung up.

There’s pain inside that sometimes crawl all over me. I feel alone. I feel scared. I feel all sort of things.  But then again – break ups are supposed to be this way. It’s a phase. I get it.  And I am trying to survive, I just wish that you stay strong for me.

Because when I walk out on us.. it means I am walking out on you.

It means I am walking out on our plans..on our dreams…

And most importantly.. I am walking out..

On the person that I used to be.

So please don’t make this all about you. You are not the only one hurting here.

Because when I left you alone somewhere.. I lost my old self just right there.